A Dementia Patient Bangs on the Wall

Often during the night, Romeo thinks he's pressed his call button when he needs something. He thinks he has done it. But the light isn't on, the nursing assistants don't know he needs them. He says that 30 minutes pass without anyone coming. That's probably true. And it isn't because they stay away on purpose. It's because his light isn't on, so they stay out of the room and let him sleep. They do, however, check on him and all the other residents periodically throughout the night.

Romeo says that when no one answers his call light, he does whatever he can to get attention. Banging on the walls with his fist is his favorite. He says he also yells and screams. Romeo has such a quiet voice and gentle disposition that I wonder how "loud" those yells and screams really are.

In any case, by the time someone comes, Romeo has worked himself into a heightened state of frustration and anger. He curses at the nursing assistants and calls them names I would not want to repeat. This behavior is not my Romeo. It's the disease. It's the dementia.

One of his nurses told me that it is quite an undertaking to calm him back down. They recommended a slight increase in his dose of antidepressant. After four days of mulling this over and more evenings of Romeo banging on the wall and calling people nasty names, I agree. It is not good for him to be so upset and anxious and frustrated.

All the while, I acknowledge Romeo's decline. I never expected such radical behavior changes in him, although it is common in dementia patients. I never thought that Romeo, my sweet Romeo, would succumb to dementia's rule. But it has happened. His symptoms progress.

Maybe now it will be easier to flow with whatever comes up. To make the best decisions from my center on behalf of Romeo. To take more long, deep breaths, and to let more long, deep breaths escape from my depths, releasing the toxic. Maybe now it will be easier to remain calm in the eye of this unpredictable storm that is dementia. It is only going to get more challenging.