Inbox Q and A: What Does Romeo Do All Day in the Nursing Home?

From time to time, Romeo and I receive questions from family, friends, acquaintances, that are good to answer on this blog because: (1) a number of people ask the same question, and it's easier for us to give one answer; and (2) it's simply good, educational material about dementia. Our intention is to open up the world of dementia to you, to help you understand what you would only know if you spent a few days with us, if you were to actually see and experience what it's like living with dementia.

The question we'll answer today is:

What does Romeo do all day?

Good question. Although dementia limits him, he feels that his days go quickly. First, there are the routines: the nursing assistants get him up and going somewhere between 6:30 and 7:00am. Breakfast is at 8:10am, lunch at 12:10pm, and dinner at 6:10pm.

Throughout every day and evening at the nursing home there are a variety of activities Romeo can participate in if he wishes. He does not choose to participate in much, and I see where he's coming from. Most of the residents are 20 years older than he is, so the activities are geared toward them. But there are exercise classes that he likes to go to, drum circles, musical performances, and some games.

In addition, one of the recreational coordinators comes by every day or two and chats with Romeo and wheels him around -- outside if the weather is nice -- and will also get him up and walking. Twice a week, Romeo receives a maintenance type of physical therapy, where he is walked until he tires. Sometimes it's only 50 feet, sometimes 500. I also get him up and walking during my daily visits.

Visitors are few and far between for him; most people don't like nursing homes, I'm guessing. But I am there every day, usually for four to six hours. Sometimes less, sometimes more. Each day he asks that I bring him steamed soy milk and an oatmeal raisin cookie. I read aloud to him, and we discuss what we've read. And we talk...about everything, as we have done since we first met. Occasionally he wants to hear some classical music, so I'll pop in a CD and we'll listen to Mozart or Bach for a bit. He also enjoys The Essential Snatam Kaur: Sacred Chants for Healing. And we have watched two DVDs: Deva Premal and Miten in Concert, and Earth Drum Visions featuring the music of David and Steve Gordon.

As a young adult, Romeo taught Transcendental Meditation (TM) and has since been a lifelong meditator. Until now, that is. He feels that he doesn't need to meditate anymore because there's nothing to meditate on. He meditated daily until four or five months ago. And the reason why he doesn't meditate anymore? He says that he has come to the end of the road and feels that he doesn't need to meditate anymore. His mind is blank, and he likes to hang out with his blank mind. Romeo believes that during the time when he has no thoughts he connects with the Universe, the Divine, Existence, God, the Presence, whatever you want to call it. He says it's a peaceful place to be and the time passes quickly.

Even so, he still has occasional thoughts. He often wonders what happened to various friends. He wonders what he is doing living in a nursing home. Thinking about this is depressing to him, so at that point he goes to sleep. He also says that he thinks about me, his Juliet, frequently. He wishes we were together more. He misses going out to tea, driving to the mountains, taking long walks, being together every minute of every day.

And that is a typical day for my Romeo.