Fear of Abandonment in Dementiaville

Romeo lies in bed. He wrings his hands, furrows his brow.

"What's wrong, Romeo," I ask as I cup his hands in mine. Making physical contact with Romeo soothes him, and he stops the wringing and loosens his brow.

"I'm afraid."

"Of what, Romeo? What are you afraid of?" It's a gentle question, framed with soft intonations to help soothe him further.

I expect a long pause after my question as Romeo searched for the words to tell me. He often cannot think of the words to describe his thoughts, to name objects, to whisper endearments.

There is no hesitation now, however.

"I'm afraid you'll abandon me, that I'll never see you again."

His words are slow, deliberate, soft, to match his waning energy level. He does not look at me as he speaks, but then he seldom does. It's simply part of the disease.

I squeeze his hands as a gentle reminder that I'm still there, that I'm with him.

"I'll never abandon you, Romeo."

"Really?" His face brightens.

"Of course not. I visit you as much as I can."

"Juliet, it's been a long time since you've come to visit me."

"I was here yesterday, Romeo. And the day before that. And the day before that."

"Really?" His face brightens even more. A long time ago, when Romeo was first diagnosed with dementia, I made a vow to him that was probably more important than our wedding vows, and I repeated it to him now.

"Romeo, it's important that you know without a doubt -- ever -- that everything I say to you is true. I promise that I will always tell you the truth so you can know without thinking or questioning or wondering that you can rely on me."

"Oh, yes, now I remember you've told me that many times before."

I smile.

"Juliet, I am sorry that I forgot."

"Romeo, do not worry, and do not be sorry for anything. I know it's your disease and not really you thinking these things. I want you to let it go out of your mind, set it free, and know that even when I'm not here, I think about you. I don't want to abandon you. You're stuck with me."

I kiss his bearded cheek, and he smiles, loosens his hands from mine, closes his eyes, and is asleep within seconds.