A Caregiver's Bill of Rights

When I first began to take care of my husband, Romeo, even before he was diagnosed with dementia, I didn't realize I was a caregiver. I thought that I was simply helping Romeo with things he could no longer handle himself. I didn't yet realize that his dementia would progress into something I wouldn't be able to help him with by myself, alone, at home.

No doubt about it. Caregiving is probably the most difficult job you'll ever have, the most difficult task you'll ever undertake. Yet, it is also in all probability the most rewarding. Whether or not you have come to the point of recognizing and labeling your caregiving role, you will discover that your job, this obligation you have undertaken, is best carried out with a "yes" attitude. By saying yes to being a caregiver to your loved one, you are equally importantly saying yes to doing all you can to take care of yourself. I reiterate: all caregivers are equally responsible for taking care of themselves.

I recently came across a Caregiver's Bill of Rights. It recognizes the humanity of a caregiver and gives permission for us to be fully human. Please know that you, as a caregiver, whether you are so new to caregiving that you don't yet know you're a caregiver, or whether you've been a caregiver for many years, are entitled to your own life, to acknowledge and fulfill your own needs. You are entitled to each of the rights detailed in these bullet points. Live your caregiving potential to its fullest and embrace these rights.

A Caregiver's Bill of Rights

I have the right . . .

• To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my relative.

• To seek help from others even though my relatives may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

• To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do something just for myself.

• To occasionally get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings.

• To reject any attempts by my relatives (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt and/or depression.
  

• To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do from my loved one for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

• To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my relative.

• To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my relative no longer needs my help.

• To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made toward aiding and supporting caregivers.

-- Author Unknown