A Caregiver's Grief Process Stepping Up

It's been building quietly for some time now. I release it periodically, when I feel it. But lately there has been a hugeness knocking at the door from the inside, a presence of stress, grief, sadness wanting to be let out. It's making a lot of noise. It's clawing at the inner door of my spirit like a female cat in heat, howling and screaming. And it's winning. It's coming out. My grief process is stepping up.

With losing Romeo to dementia, with losing his physical presence in our home, comes grief. I've been grieving since he was first diagnosed with dementia four years ago, and this grief process of mine comes in waves.

However, for the past month or so there's been more stress, grief, and sadness than I seem to be able to release. Or at least it appears that my frequent releases aren't able to keep up with the grief that keeps coming and coming. I certainly don't want to hold onto it, but it seems stuck, blocked.

So I followed the suggestion of a friend and am having acupuncture to help me through this process. After my first treatment, I started crying before I left the clinic. And I cried on the drive home (yep, I probably should not have driven, but I felt like I could cry all day). And I cried when the nice, handsome policeman pulled me over for speeding (I never speed -- it's been 27 years since I've received any sort of traffic violation!). And I cried when I realized that I must be getting really OLD since I couldn't talk my way out of the ticket. And when I got home, I cried all afternoon without stopping and went to bed crying. Gosh, it felt good.

Acupuncture is my new hero. I'll be going every week for a while. I've never cried so much in my life, and there's still more to come. There are still more energy blockages to burst, and there is still more stress and sadness to release. Gosh, it feels good.